The test

[Timothy R. Kuhr]

Forty years since my last
H.S French class and I think I got some of that! Cam ong co,roi!

[janecallanan]

I guess out of character would be writing something normal, and then signing it with some cutsy phrase.
That will take some training on my part. Here goes:

Wishing you all a splendid day.
OOdles of luv,
Janie

[Keith_Hixson]

PHO you should be good for at least 9 mos. After a successful hunt in Colorado.

Advisor you are just sick. I suppose you have read all those Asian books on a 1000 way to Wok your dog.

I had two years of Spanish, but never use it. But, find out I can read the Hispanic bumper stickers.

French: My brother met a French tourist who berated the U.S. for being the most unsophisicate place he'd ever been. He said that Americans are just a bunch of crude, uncivilized people, the worst he'd ever met.
My brother just said, "Well we rescued twice from the Germans or you'd be speaking German right now. You keep talking and we wouldn't rescue you ungrateful slobs the next time." The man just shut up.

Keith

[kenmar]

Dictionaries define curmudgeon as a churlish, irascible fellow; a cantankerous old codger.

The origin of the word is unknown, but it might come from an old Scottish word that meant "murmur" or "mumble," or from the French coeur mechant, "evil heart."

The archaic definition made it a synonym for miser, and the word has had recent currency in a somewhat milder connotation, to describe a not entirely unlikable grouch.

A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart.

They don't hate mankind, just mankind's excesses. They're just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor.

They snarl at pretense and bite at hypocrisy out of a healthy sense of outrage.They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. They hurl polemical thunderbolts at middle-class values and pop culture in order to preserve their sanity.

Nature, having failed to equip them with a serviceable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit. Offense is their only defense.

Their weapons are irony, satire, sarcasm, ridicule.Their targets are pretense, pomposity, conformity, incompetence. And they'll tell you that their targets are everywhere and multiplying like Smurfs.

Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness.

Their awareness is a curse; they're constantly ticked off because they're constantly aware of so much to be ticked off about, and they wish things were better.

Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message. They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee.

Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they often temper it with humor.

Curmudgeons are like Sumo wrestlers; it takes a long time and a lot of abuse to make one; curmudgeons are also like writers: you're a curmudgeon only when someone else says you're a curmudgeon.

Curmudgeonry is a perfectly valid response to an increasingly exasperating world.

[JeffL]

For all you dog lovers out there (including me), here's a late news flash!


The American Kennel Club is considering the following breeds for recognition.

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dig that folds up for easy transport.

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.

Great Pyrenees + Dachsund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog as fresh and clean as a whistle.

Labrador Retreiver + Curley Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retreiver, a favorite choice of research scientists.

Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisers.

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks constantly

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by ?. Oh, it doesn?t matter.

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work.

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that?s true to the end.

Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu
Bull Shih Tzu, a gregarious but unreliable breed.


I'm just trying to help... :re:

[Advisor]

Keith...Wok your dog..I get it...but I'd rather have puppy roast..gotta watch my MSG intake ya know.

PHO127---Pho, as I recall is the national dish of Vietnam..noodles.
Should we call you 127 Noodles then?

I want ya'll to know that I belong to PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals)

Joe

[janecallanan]

Should see if WAZZA likes this definition for his title better?

[janecallanan]

NO NEED TO BREATHE

Toronto, Canada (DE) ? A doctor recently concluded a study that dismisses the need for people to breathe. He states that breathing only contributes to death and by not breathing one can maintain a healthy lifestyle forever.

?You can cheat death by not breathing,? Dr Tom Collins said a recent press conference held to promote his findings. ?If you can get passed this false notion that you need to breathe to stay alive, you don?t have to get sick and you don?t have to die.?

?Ever since you were born, people have been telling you to breathe, but what you are really doing is killing yourself! I am here to educate the world,? added Collins.

Collins theorizes that breathing only increases the introduction of harmful particles into a person?s bloodstream. ?Our lungs have become air filters and it?s killing us. All that air pollution is deposited directly into our bodies and slowly, but surely in kills us,? explained Collins.

Collins has developed a surgical technique where the air passages of the nose and mouth are permanently blocked. This needs to be done because humans have been conditioned for so long that they need to breathe. ?I?ve tried to hold my breath, but my subconscious makes me take another breath and then another and another. By putting this device into a person?s body it will make it impossible for them to breathe and therefore make them live forever,? said Collins.

Doctors from around the world caution anyone from trying to stop breathing. ?I don?t know where you found this quack, but he is going to end up killing people if he isn?t stopped,? warned Dr. Leslie Davidson.

As soon as he can find some willing volunteers, Collins plans to conduct tests on humans before having the procedure done on himself. ?I want to make sure it works before I try it,? Collins said.

[kenmar]

I suggest he should usethe two snipers for his first test and then try a new procedure....remove the voice box from all politicians.

[kenmar]

Parlez-vous d'autres langues? I can do Pig-Latin, English, and fluent Vulgar.