A burglar & Jesus.......

[HARDCORE]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, Clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

[Robert Ryan]

Okay that is funny.

[WateringHole]

I know one I thought was pretty good I heard not too long ago :

A priest was taking his morning walk when he noticed in the yard of one of his parishioners was a beautiful garden The priest went on to tell the man "you have such a wonderful looking garden. The oranges on your orange tree are big and yellow, the apples on your apple tree are big and red, your tomatoes are big and cherry red. your melons are so big and green. The priest then added "I can tell the good Lord helped you a lot." Then the parishioner told the Priest "yes padre, the garden does look nice, but you should have seen the place when the good Lord was trying to take care of everything by himself."

The moral is "don't expect miracles to happen by themselves".