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Old 10-29-2018, 09:17 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Location: Chicago, IL
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Talking The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race an it won !!
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the next race, and it won that race too.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races.

The next day the local paper headline read:

“BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS”.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!!

The Bishop fainted ….

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey.
So she sold it to a local farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10”.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey, and take it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is ....

Being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day and laugh!

Boats (I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes!)
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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  #2  
Old 10-29-2018, 12:32 PM
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reconeil reconeil is offline
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Location: Avenel, New Jersey
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Boats,
That's truly a Good One.
Sent it to my Fr. Dave.

Neil
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My Salute & "GarryOwen" to all TRUE Patriots.
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  #3  
Old 10-29-2018, 04:11 PM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9,817
Talking HC sent me this one I just thought I'd post them - Tell me this won't happend to Us!!

PLEASE TELL ME

THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO US!





An elderly Floridian called 911 on his cell phone to report
that his car has been broken into. He is hysterical as he
explains his situation to the dispatcher: 'They've
stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and
even the accelerator!' he cried.. The dispatcher said,
'Stay calm... An officer is on the way.' A few minutes
later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.'

he says.
'He got in the back-seat by mistake.'!!!!!!!!!!!!!



TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!

______________________________ ______________________________ ____________


Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts
her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,

'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come

up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses

'Was I going up the stairs or down?



The 92-year-old is

sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her

sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I
never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then
yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
I see who's at the door.'


TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

______________________________ ______________________________ ____________



'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied,
'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in,
'So am I. Let's have a beer.'



TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

______________________________ ______________________________ ___________


Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!

Two elderly gentlemen had been friends for many decades. Over
the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to
meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .... I know
we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..

His friend stared at him for at least three minutes -- he
just stared and stared at him. Finally he said, 'How
soon do you need to know?'


TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

______________________________ ______________________________ ___________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman,
'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'


TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!


______________________________ ____________________ _______________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
along, they came to an intersection. The stop-light was red,
but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we just went Through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The
woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman
and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'


TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO YOU OR ME!
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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