Afternoon Humor

[SuperScout]

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.


Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"


So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"



"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !"

[revwardoc]

Good thing the guy didn't play for New Orleans; it would've been worse for his family!

[phuloi]

[SuperScout]

Originally Posted by revwardoc

Good thing the guy didn't play for New Orleans; it would've been worse for his family!

You're probably right!! I wonder how the respective murder rates compare for NO and for Detroit.

[SuperScout]

Joe was teeing off from the back tees. On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball and hit Mary directly in the right temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later Joe received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy. "Joe, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?"

"Yes sir," Joe replied, "that's correct."

"Well, Joe, I also found a large bruise on Mary's right hip. Do you know anything about that?"

"Yes sir," Joe said, "That would have been my mulligan."

[revwardoc]

UCLA STUDY (VERY INTERESTING & SHORT)

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

[reeb]

He was telling some friends one night that his wife wanted to get some fake boobs.

He says them things are $15,000.00 and that is alot of money for fake boobs, whew $15,000.00 for a set of fake boobs.

AND THAT DONT COUNT THE MOUNTING AND BALANCING......

Now that one was was funny nomatter who you are.

G E D

enough.............

reeb.............Doug................

[SuperScout]

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you havean address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bit e out of my ham
and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher :Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher :Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher:This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher:9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: !Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

[SuperScout]

I'm confused. How can nearly 2 million blacks get INTO Washington DC
in sub zero temps in 1 day when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans at 85 degrees with four days notice?

[namvet]

Originally Posted by SuperScout

I'm confused. How can nearly 2 million blacks get INTO Washington DC
in sub zero temps in 1 day when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans at 85 degrees with four days notice?

Osama promised the 2 mil blacks free homes and HDTV's