being afraid

[39mto39g]

I can't recall to many times in VN that I was afraid. BUT, The times I do recall being afraid I was relly afraid. I can remember going on 30 or 40 5 or 6 man night ambushes and not being afraid. but I also remember standing at the base of a mountain/valley that sent chills up both arms and made all my hair stand on end, I couldn't bring myself to take one more step.
I remember being told that "we got morterd last night " and didn't feel afraid cause I didn't wake up. But also I can remember not getting any sleep for three days because I was so afraid. When in a fire fight, some times it was so intence that I was doing 4 or 5 things at the same time and other fire fights were like the whole world was in slow motion except me. I was on top of everything. VN was a hugh test on mental and fisical endurence that had but one final exam, That TWA 727 to Fort Lewis. And Home.


Ron

[DMZ-LT]

Hey Ron , Good post. Anticipation made me afraid almost daily But once we moved out I was fine but I was " wired " for a year, probably still am to some extent. Carried a 45 only to shoot myself if I lost an arm or leg then one day in a big fire fight the guy on my left and right got shot and I just knew I was next. I asked God ( I am very non religous ) to please take both my arms and legs but to please let me live - the fight stopped. I haven't talked to Him much since. As James would say Happy just to be alive !

[frisco-kid]

Like Ron, I was afraid several times but REALLY afraid only a couple of times. One thing I found out about myself in VN though, was, no matter HOW scared I was, I could always function. I never froze, or ran, from fear. Saw some guys that did. I too, have gone up mountains or into valleys with every sense straining, my heart in my throat, and my hair standing on end, not wodering IF we were going to make contact, but WHEN. You just know that they were nearby, but you put one foot in front of the other anyway. When the contact was made and the shit hit the fan, you were just too busy covering your ass and the asses of those around you. For me, it was usually afterwards that it began to sink in as the adreneline died down. Maybe lit that cigarette a little more nervously, or talked about the battle with my buddies a little faster or in a little higher pitch.

Courage is resistance to Fear, mastery of Fear-not absence of Fear........Mark Twain

[splummer]

I didn't know what you infronty guys went through until I read your stories on this site and the HC. Thank you for what you did. I was like DMZ LT. I was afraid of losing a arm or leg and would have rather been dead. [Mines on the road worried me.] After one particular convoy I was in, with RPG's and bullets hitting so close that I was sure I was a goner and so scarred I was petrified, [I wrote about this] I don't know if I was ever afraid again. I think I would worry and feel excited, but must have figured if it was my time there was nothing I could do.

[splummer]

One morning some time after that, I got caught in an attack on our base camp out in the open with rockets exploding all around me. No place to run, I was too far away from any bunkers, just kind of squatted down on the ground and waited for it to end. I felt a real thrill but I don't think I had a lot of fear any more.

[frisco-kid]

RPGs did increase my fear-factor. I hated them. Like you and LT., I guess it was a fear of losing parts to them. Have seen up close what they can do to a man, and have picked up my share of body parts. For me, they were especially scary in the jungle. All they had to do was hit a tree near you with it to fuck you up. Really hated them.

[phuloi]

Adreneline is an amazing chemical.Always seemed to trump fear for me.The worst were the quiet times when you could hear your own heartbeat and the mosquitos sounded like Hueys.Thats when I`d get really freaked and scared.

[Bill Farnie]

Ron, This is a great thread bro.


I was truly what you could call poop your pants afraid just a few times during my tour. I guess you could say that most of the time in the bush, I had a certain nervous edge that comes back even now from time to time in certain situations.

My first firefight was definitely one. I was with my company for two days and the VC hit our NDP.

When we combat assaulted into the A Shau Valley for Operation Apache Snow was another. Everyone had heard the stories of what had happened to the 1st Cav when they went into the A Shau for Operation Delaware.
They lost a lot of men when the NVA opened up on the choppers with Russian made radar controlled Anti-Aircraft guns. I pictured the chopper I was on going down in flames. Lucky for us, my fears were unfounded for all of the battalions on the CA landed unopposed.

More then once during the battle for Hill 996, I felt I was going to die. It?s funny how others perceive you though, for at my regiments reunion in 2002 when we talked about Hill 996 the men of my squad said that I ?showed no fear? that day and actually was an inspiration to them. Yea right, pure BS. When we were stuck on the ledge and the NVA flanked us I was scared shitless and not ashamed to admit it. I know there must be other times but these are the ones that stick out.

[exlrrp]

Originally posted by frisco-kid Like Ron, I was afraid several times but REALLY afraid only a couple of times. One thing I found out about myself in VN though, was, no matter HOW scared I was, I could always function. I never froze, or ran, from fear. Saw some guys that did. I too, have gone up mountains or into valleys with every sense straining, my heart in my throat, and my hair standing on end, not wodering IF we were going to make contact, but WHEN. You just know that they were nearby, but you put one foot in front of the other anyway. When the contact was made and the shit hit the fan, you were just too busy covering your ass and the asses of those around you. For me, it was usually afterwards that it began to sink in as the adreneline died down. Maybe lit that cigarette a little more nervously, or talked about the battle with my buddies a little faster or in a little higher pitch.

Courage is resistance to Fear, mastery of Fear-not absence of Fear........Mark Twain

Yeh, I froze and ran from fear sometimes--along with everybody else- and if I didn't I'd be dead. Sometimes all the choices were bad. Lordy I froze--I was arms length sometimes and boy did I stop to think things through--you know the story of the time the gook peed on yr humble undesigned hiding in the bushes and it was a mighty apprehensive .45 I was covering his wang with. I was scared shitless--did I tell you he had a lot of armed friends nearby and that they were all looking for us to kill us? I knew I was going to die and it was OK all I was thinking was: See you in the Happy Hunting Grounds,slope! THis is when life gets as real as it ever gets, I don't know how else to describe it.This wasn't how I wanted it to end, but there it is. What would Big John Wayne do? Well The Duke wasn't there to tell me so I just kept quiet and hoped he'd go away, which he did. More exciting stuff happened later, though and not too much later.
you just get beyond normal fear, reckless some might say. I left there feeling like there wasn't anything to be scared of after this! Even nowadays, if I get scared there's REALLY something to be scared of.
Fear is God's way of telling you:Hey Watch OUt!!stupid!
James

[39mto39g]

Where you been bud.



For a long time after I got back home I would walk around fearless. Or so I thought. I figured, what the F---, theres nobody shooting at me, whats to be afraid of?

Ron