My visit to the Wall in DC.... 18 years ago......

[RobH]

I know I'm new here abouts, and I hope you'll bear with me.....

I have noticed where a couple of Brothers have mentioned that they have not yet been to DC to see the Wall......

Back in early May of 84, my wife told me that she had seen a news article about the upcoming internment ceremonies for the Unknown Soldier from Vietnam, and asked me "if she could go with me", since she knew that I would go..... We left a couple of days later. We spent a day wandering around DC steeling myself for what I had to do.

The idea of going to the "Wall" was a very frightening thing for me to face..... I, like many of you, lost friends over there and to go and see their names on the Wall was hard to fathom..... I guess because it meant that I had to face something that I had not been able to face and come to terms with......which were...simply put....my "demons".

We first went to the Capitol and paid our respects to the Unknown Soldier, and I have to tell you.....it was a very emotional time for me. Lord, what emotions come to bear......

The following day we went up to the Capitol building, ....to be where the procession would pass. I remember that many of us Vietnam Veterans were very disappointed when we heard that a contingent of Vietnam Veterans had been denied the right to march in escort of the caisson carrying the Unknown to Arlington. But in the end, the officials granted permission for the contingent to join at the rear of the procession, but not as part of the procession. I remember it was hot and humid that day. I was wearing a Black 3 piece suit..... no shade where I was standing.....but I was not going to fail in what I had set out to do......and that was to escort "my" fallen Brother, the Unknown Soldier of Vietnam to his final resting place.

When the procession passed us it was very somber and proper. After the main procession passed and the contingent of Vietnam Veterans passed where we stood, I think I was one of the first people to step off the curb and fall in behind the Veterans contingent.....no-one moved to prevent us from falling in and so many, many more followed suit and joined us. No-one fell out of ranks, such that they were, all the way to Arlington. It was a long walk, but I know that all of my fellow Veterans felt the same as I did.....they were going to make that walk no matter what. I'm not sure, but I think its about 5 miles that we walked behind the procession. When we arrived at Arlington, we were directed to a large field where they had set up huge viewing screens that would show the entire proceedings inside at the tomb. We watched til the end of the procession, when were then surprised when they told us that we would be able to enter the Tomb area and pay our last respects.

Then from there we went to the Wall. I was absolutely speechless and overwhelmed by the Wall.....and as I walked down one side and up the other, I must have read almost every name on the wall....and I saw the things that people left for their fallen soldier, sailor, marine or airman....and many of them heightened the emotions I was feeling. I know that I cried, and I knew that I shook like a leaf. I know that I shook hands with and hugged many other "Brothers in Arms"......many of whom had to be experiencing the same emotions I was. I stayed there for quite some time, quietly praying for my fallen Brothers.

I believe those couple of days, were the turning point of my life after Vietnam. I left my "demons" behind, and was able to get on with my life. I tell you this so that those of you who have not been might find your way there. You may or may not experience what I did, but you will be happy you went.

WELCOME HOME BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!

[sn-e3]

Thank you Rob H and welcome home. I myself have not been to the wall but plan to visit it next year after i visit Andy and have my navy reunion in boston. I do so want to see as much of the right coast as i can while i'am back there. Thanks again for marching with the unknown soldier

[Andy]

Rob, I'm very happy you shed your demons at the wall, it works for some but not for all. Some of us, it seems, can't avoid the feeling of guilty, even after all these years. As I said, I'm glad you made it and it helped heal you.

Sn-E3, PLEASE give me 2 weeks advance notice and let me know how long your going to be around. We have lots of history, lots of nice looking country, many a tavern and as Doc Fred and Paco will tell you, quality time can be spent on our patio. Just let me know what's first on the list. Also, if your coming when the Sox are playing give me a little more advance notice so I can get some good tickets.

As far as the Wall itself, too many names,to many faces to remember for me. Guess I'll just keep living with my ghosts. I suppose Charles Dickens would be proud.

Stay healthy,
Andy

[RobH]

I probably should have said that I "came to terms with my demons". I don't think I shed them afterall. After I wrote that last night...I tossed and turned most of the night.....memories to the surface......

I guess what I meant to say was that I have been able to come to terms with my anger and sense of betrayal that I felt beginning the day I came home. Made it as far as the airport in Orlando.....got called a "babykiller" by a peacenik, and a jerk in a suit tried to hand me his luggage and tell me to carry it...because he paid my salary..... man what a welcome home.

I experienced discrimination when I applied for jobs, had to force the Junior College in my hometown to make space for me in classes because FL law provided for instant admission of Veterans..... and I had dealt with all the rest that you all have dealt with, to include strong feelings of guilt , anger, disgust, depression, and other emotions. I had to deal with a family that "expected me to climb up a bell tower with a high powered rifle and make the front pages", and hell....I think they still expect it.....

I ended up working in construction because no-one asked or cared. I found I was working with mostly "Brothers"......many for the same reasons. I did get hired by one company that the VP told me they hired me because I was a real Vietnam Veteran and they got "points" for hiring me....talk about warm fuzzies..... The joke was on them though....while I was working for them I went to DC....and when I came back I had made some changes and realized that it was my world....not theirs. I used them for a stepping stone to a better job, and moved on.

I realized that I had no reason to feel guilty.....I had done nothing wrong. I had only served my country and done it to the best of my ability. I functioned as a forward observer on the Cambodian border and was responsible for the deaths of many of the enemy. It was war....and I was sent to fight it. For me to have done otherwise....I would have to have been a traitor to my country, cast aside my values, morals, dignity, and all of my beliefs. I couldnt
do that. Not a chance. I had talked to counselors, and clerics...but that really didn't help. It was going to do what I knew I had to do.....pay my respects and say goodbye to my fellow warriors. They who had taken up the sword at their countries request, and made the ultimate sacrifice. Even though many of their countrymen showed them disrespect and did not honor them....it was my obligation to do so. I did, and I believe I am the better for it.

I still have some of the anger, and occasionally it rears its head....but at the bottom line....my trip to the Wall was so cathartic that I can only hope that it would be the same for other Vietnam Veterans.

[Boats]

RobH,

I read your thread and agree we should all make the trip. I guess the moving wall was more or less a reminder that the real thing needs to be seen to appreciate.

Many years ago I went to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and I recall standing there watching the changing of the guard and reflecting on the respect given to those buried within.

I want to make the trip and I want my wife with me. She too lost friends and I think many of us VN vets need to know this. Our wives were once young like us and though they didn't necessarily go off to war they watched many of the friends leave and never come back. My wife thought me that lesson.

So Ladies you too should visit the wall - and like us remember all those on the wall gave the altimate price - their lives. They are now part of history and will remain so.

I also relate to those in the VA hospitals - handicaped or metally unstable due to trama - they too need our support and rememberance. I often forget that and I'm ashamed.

Our main focus - those of us who went there and came back is to carry their torch to remind ourselves and those who might not know that war - such as it was then - and war such as it is now - has devastaing results. I only hope those in the government who send those marching orders remember that when the word is given many young men and women will be on those lines to defend the issues at hand.

God Bless them all and those who've come before us.