Just for laugh's (I liked it)

[Boats]

My Sister sent me this I thought you would like it.


Subject: only 4 of 5 will live

An airplane was about to crash. There were 5
passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of a former U.S. President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president. And I am the smartest woman in American history,
so America's people don't want me to die." She took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, Ted Kennedy said, "I am a US Senator, the democratic party needs me and my liver still has some good years left." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The 4th passenger, Billy Graham, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.

"The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you. America's smartest woman took my school bag."

[DMZ-LT]

I am a light eater. As soon as it gets light I start eating !

[revwardoc]

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.

Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours.

When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

[revwardoc]

A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange request to his waiter. He asked if he could have the unwashed fork of the last customer the waiter waited on. The perplexed waiter agreed and handed the blind man the unwashed fork. The blind man proceeded to put it in his mouth and said, "Hmmm, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes are good here. I'll have that." The next day, the blind man returned to the diner and did the same thing. Now, on the third day, the waiter saw the blind man coming into the diner. He still didn't believe what the blind man was capable of, and he wanted to trick him. So he quickly grabbed a fork and asked his waitress wife, Jane, to wipe it off with her panties. When the blind man asked for the fork, the waiter gave him the fork with a big smile on his face. The blind man put it in his mouth, and said, "Hmmm, I didn't know Jane worked here."

[Robert Ryan]

Loved it boats just loved it.

[Jerry D]

Hmm didn't know Tarzan was a Waiter LOL!

[Boats]

Indian with One Testicle.

There once was a Red Skin Indian whose given name was "Onestone".
So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and
asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
"If anyone calls me Onestone again - I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,
"Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her
deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw
Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love
to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next
day, made love to her all the next night, but ? Yellow Bird wouldn't die!



What is the moral of this story?????............................


OH, come on...take a guess!


Think about it .


And the moral is??????????????
You can't kill two birds with one stone

[Boats]

Bobbitt Family Update




In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister, Louella, was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.

Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage.

The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition,
and Louella has been charged with
.
.


.









A Misdewiener!

[Jerry D]

I heard this one on the internet last nite and it is pretty clean for a dirty joke and goes like this:

Q: Hey, what do elephants and strawberries have in common?

A: "they both come in quarts "

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take This jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, Then with her teeth out, still nothing.We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing. The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."