Help wanted

[Stick]

I have a realitive through marriage who may soon be an Ex. He's a vet who's service connected and from what I've seen and heard figures that he's pretty much worthless. The VA has him as Service connected an unable to work but does that mean that he's worthless? Whadaya do for a guy like that? I thought that a mountain top on Veterans Day might not be a real bad idea but I'm just tossing it out.

[Doc.2/47]

Heck, they even let bOOger come to the mtn.! Sounds like a plan to me, and I'll be looking forward to seeing you both there.

[Boats]

Not everyone is worthless - I find that some just need a little stirring or directional guidance. I too have a brother-in-law who after VN became one of those worthless individuals. Where he's at now we don't know. I miss him because we used to be able to talk about many things. My wife suspects he was involved in the Grand-Father's death and the death of his wife (from overdose).

Gullable is what my wife says - yet she knows I have issues of buttons of mine are not to be pushed - we all have a point where certain issues can enrage us all. I doubt your x-relative is worthless in the true meaning just needs a postiive push into a direction that will kick start him again.

Breaking points or low points in our life can often be devasting. Take him to the mountain and see what pans out. You may find gold or he may truely be worthless beyond help. But you will never know. The people on the mountain will surely read his demeanor and be able to see if there is anything to salvage.

Just my thoughts.

[littledickens1]

As Stick's daughter, the man he is speaking of is my husband. I have not now, nor have I ever thought of this man as useless, or worthless. However, the past few years of our marriage, I have felt like I am all alone. He no longer participates with our family and there is no communication between us at all. My husband is a wonderful man with the potential to be a wonderful father and husband. However, he locks himself up in his depression/PTSD and forgets that there is a world around him. I do not now, nor will I probably ever know what he went through in the marines, he is afraid to tell anyone due to his security clearance. After years of living with him and being alone, I have decided that if things can't change in our marriage, it is time for me to move on with my life. This decision was a long time coming and not one that I take lightly as I am afriad of what he will do to himself when we are gone. After being together for six years, he has no real relationship with my children and I don't want to teach them that this is what a marriage is supposed to be. Any help you can give me to get him out of his shell and possibly save this marriage will be greatly appreciated.

[BobK]

Stick
Bring him to the mtn for Veterans day.....We'll show him there is life after the military......Who knows, After 4 days with Hal, Packo, John, and Sid, he'll realize that he's normal and the rest of these guys are nuts.
bOOger the sane

[Boats]

Littledickens1

Has the VA had him on medication? If so, it may be his meds are part of the issue? When was he last at the VA for consulation. This issue you are dealing with must be difficult. Are you seeing anyone to help you through this period? Moving on is your call and it must be difficult. I had a separation from my wife for issues of which I won't go into - but it got resolved and now we have 41 years of marriage. Not a happy ending but a period of time heals all wounds.

Stick must be a big help to you and your family. Seek his guidance - I think he knows more about this than he admits. But your problem sound likes it needs medical interjection and the VA should be made aware of this. If they are I'd call them and ask for a sit down and go over all the meds he's taking and his mood swings and his self isolation. We have DOC's on this site who can stir you more with regards to what action you should seek in his behalf.

I don't know why some of us kick in and out and have these moments in our lives but its something you need to work out - even if it takes a short separation. I wish you both well and hope for a happy ending in the near future.

[Gimpy]

Littledickens1

It certainly would be good for your husband to have the opportunity to meet and commiserate with all my brothers at the "retreat" on the mountain top near Ellijay, GA if you and my brother Stick could convince him to come in November.

If not, then I've listed some possible locations and phone numbers where he may get some help below.

Atlanta Vet Center
Lynwood Bradley
Team Leader

1440 Dutch Valley Place, Suite 1100 Box 55
Atlanta, GA 30324
Phone: (404)-347-7264

There is also a VA mental health clinic closer to Fayetteville if that helps.

East Point VA Community Based Outpatient Clinic
Mental Health Clinic
1513 Cleveland Avenue
East Point, GA 30344
Phone: 404-321-6111 x2600
Fax: 404-327-4948

And then of course there's the main VA PTSD/Mental Health Clinic in Decatur, GA.

Atlanta VA Medical Center
1670 Clairmont Road
Decatur, GA 30033
Phone: (404) 321-6111 or (800) 944-9726
Fax: (404) 728-7733

I don't know if he's already enrolled in a program, but if not, he should be encouraged to do so ASAP.

Hope this helps. God Bless you all..... and good luck.

Gimp

[GreyWolf]

Helllo. I'm the "relative through marriage". I have just finished registering so I'm a boot. First off, I'd like to thank all who have offered help and their thoughts. Seems that I am having real trouble organizing MY thoughts this morning. But nuthin' new there.
Reckon I'll let ya'll know why I'm disabled. I have Major Depression Disorder. It is clinical and much, much different than the "run of the mill" depression. Not saying that the"r.o.t.m." type is any less painful, its just major depression sticks around for life.
I have been in what I call a slight depression continusely (sp?) for a few years now. Don't think my wife knew that. Reckon she will now tho. I apologize to her for that. It's just I didn't want to burden her with telling her every day that I was depressed. Especially since she has been going thru so much sh** herself for a couple of years. She has been suffering from depression herself from this stuff and I haven't been there for her. And I'm sorry for that. Its too the point that she doesn't even look to me for support anymore. And that really hurts.
When I'm depressed, I go into my own little world and don't see what is going on around me. Everyone I love ends up suffering. I don't even notice. When it gets worse, I want to stay in bed all the time. My wife has seen that a few time herself. When I "crash" I am in Hell in my head. I don't even want to be alive. I crashed 4 years into my first marriage. She left me because of it. This crashed lasted 6 or 7 YEARS. After the divorce I lived with my mother. Eventually, I was ok enough to move into my own place.
Now my wife wants to leave me. She thinks that I just dont give a sh** about anything. My words, not hers. She has told me a couple of times before that she is unhappy here and with me and I would straighten up for a few days or weeks, then fall back into my old pattern. She even told me that she was gonna leave me. About a month ago she told me again that she was leaving me. This time the message got thru. I have been doing my best to straighten up again. I'm not gonna slide this time. I have told her that but she doesn't believe me. Understandable. But I swear that its true.
She has given me 6 months to prove to her that I can do better, to do what a husband and father are supposed to do. But she has so many doubts. 6 months may not be enough. I don't want her to leave. I love her with all my heart. She has told me that she doesn't love me romantically any more. She doesn't even consider us friends. I dont know how to be romantic with her when she doesn't want to be romantic.
Our children are the most important part of her life. And I think I have failed the part of father. She says that it is a lost cause with the two oldest. The son hates me so much. And the daughter is indefferent. The younger two I have a chance with I feel. I just haven't had a chance yet. But this Friday I should have a chance. God willing we are going fishing. I know that this is just a start but I am willing to do anything I can do to become a bigger part of their life. I have no children of my own from my first marriage and was thrust into the role of father with our 4. I didn't have a clue as to what to do. Reckon I still don't. All I can do is try and hope that she understands when I make mistakes. I am doing drama club with our youngest daughter. But that didn't turn out like we thought it would. Seems that all I am allowed to do is drop her off at practice and then pick her up. The people who run the club won't even let me sit inside quietly. They just kick me out.
I'm sorry to have biched and moaned so much about my personal problems here. I don't know if this forum is set up for this. If not I apologize.

Now for some of my military experiance. I was in the Marines for 4 years. First I was a 8161, security forces. Then I went back to 0311, general infantry. As a 8161, I was stationed on a classified base in New Jersey. I held a secret clearance. Because of this I am not allowed to talk about anything there due to national security. The orders were that no Marine was supposed to be there for longer than 18 months due to stress levels. I was there for 2 and a half years. Hell, at one point the new C.O. was asking ME questions on how the base was run since I was the "old man" there. The stress was incredible. I went from saying OOH RAH to saying Fu** this sh**!!! I was very depressed towards the end of my stay there tho I didn't know it was depression at the time. I knew something was wrong but I didn't get seen because I was afraid I would lose my security clearance. That is why I am non-service connected. Bit myself in the ass for that one.
I left New Jersey to go back as 0311 at Camp Lejeune. The Gulf war was on and we were going thru intense training because were to ship out to Iraq. I was in 3/8 India Co. We were a Helo Company. Never did care for flying on the damn things. A month or so before boarding ship for the trip to Iraq, they surrendered. Tho this was good news, The stress had already became a factor in my health.
When we shipped out, we went on a Med. cruise instead. 5 men died from that cruise all from different circumstances. One was a Marine captian who died because his Herrier (sp?) disentergrated. No one was ever told how. The whole ship was entitled to Inniment Danger Pay twice and I still dont know why. I'm not good with Geography so I thought it was because of being near Iraq.
I was going to be a lifer in the Marine Corps but due to 4 years of nothing but intense stress, I opted for discharge instead. Now I wished I could have stayed, war or not. One thing I found out was that I am not cut out to lead. I made Corporal before the cruise and was in charge of a fire team. It was hard for me to make decisions and be a good leader of my men. This may be due to my depression but I can't say that for sure.

I am going to leave now at this point. I have sit here way to long tryin' to figure out what to write and I am tired. If you have read all this, I thank you. Any input will be greatly 'preciated.

[BobK]

Greywolf
Yup....You need a trip to the mtn for some good ole hometown therapy and maybe a beer or 2, along with some time with Packo who until recently (before he lost his mind) was a therapist for Marine boots on Parris Island.
bOOger

[Doc.2/47]

Greywolf-

Thank you for your service. Welcome home and to the site.
For probably the first time in the recorded history of man I am forced to think that BobK (bOOger) is correct. You really should honor us with your presence on the Mtn..If nothing else I think it helps to know for a fact that others have been-or are-the same place you are.

By the way we have a cannon on the mountain that we occasionally use launch patatoes tword Alabama. You couldn't advise us of where they've been impacting, could you? We could use a FO.