Sole Mate?

[SparrowHawk62]

Is it possible to have a soul mate, someone you are very close with and it not be your spouse?
I have a friend that agrees with me that we have a special connection. We get along quite well, no we don't date and there is nothing of a sexual relationship between us. There is a bond, an understanding between us that's like none other I've shared.
It's confusing to me. I care for this person deeply, but it's not really love, just a very deep friendship.
I know I was real close to guys in my Division, we told each other all kinds of things that would never be repeated to any one else. We looked out for each other, on the boat and while on liberty. Kind of a brotherhood.
But the feeling I'm having now are diffrent.. I don't know, thought I'd throw this against the wall and see what sticks.

[revwardoc]

Are we talkin' about a woman or a man here?

[SparrowHawk62]

Originally posted by revwardoc Are we talkin' about a woman or a man here?

Ahh, she would be a woman and I'm a guy.

[catman]

Hawk...I believe it is entirely possible, but it takes a very understanding spouse.

Trav

[revwardoc]

Hawk62,

Sounds like you're thinking to take the relationship to the next step. If that's the way I'm reading this, then you've got to think long and hard about that (no pun intended). You've got to think about how it may hurt people. That's the kind of hurt you never really get over. Look at it this way: would you want your significant other to do the same? Unless you're looking to change your lifestyle, leave the relationship where it is, limit physical contact to a handshake (or nothing at all), and try not to be alone with her. Quiet corners make you brave. Remember, God gave man two brains; unfortunately we can only think with one at a time. You only hurt the ones you love.

[Keith_Hixson]

I had before my marriage a couple of friends who were ladies. We didn't date but enjoyed each others philosophy and company. When I became engaged to my wife I purposely faded out those relationships (my present wife and girlfriend at that time did not ask me to do so). I felt that my wife must become my best friend and confident, which she has over the years. We've been married nearly 35 years and it has been a good relationship. If you are married, you are walking on very dangerous ground. If you are not married and not committed to another woman it will work but if not I personally wouldn't try it.
Far too many bosses and their personal secretaries have found out that their working relationship and friendship turned sexual. Close friendships with opposite sex often turn sexual. The common statement I've heard is: "it just happened."

After I got married I was visiting with a father of one the girls who was a friend. He said that she was heart broken when I married my wife. She had always desired that the relationship would have turned into a romatic relationship. I had no idea that she was hurt. I never once had even indicated I would want to have a boy friend / girl friend relationship with the young lady. Be careful.

Revwardoc put it well it is a very dangerous thing and the possibility of hurting others very real.

Keith


P.S. Sole is the bottom of your shoe. or . . . a fish from the flaunder family.
Soul is the real you emotionally and mentally.

I had a bunch of old Nike / Adidas sole mate jokes but I'll be
polite, no matter how difficult.

Oh well the English language is so confusing.

[Dragon Lady]

Hawk,
Sorry but I have to agree with the guys here. My girl friends and I are very, very close and there are just certain things that we discuss that I don't always feel comfortable talking to my husband about. But, I would never think of discussing anything with another man that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my husband about.

Secrets are a very ugly thing. We had some issues last year all because I thought I was doing the right thing by not telling him about a past relation that was attempting to usurp our marriage. I didn't want him to get hurt and I thought that I could handle the situation on my own...WRONG on both counts. He found out and his own human fears blew things way out of proportion. It took a very long time for him to trust me again.

To the point that when I first told him that I wanted to meet up with Curtis and Andy, I could see the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. I told him that I wanted him to come with me and he calmed down considerably. Now he's actually even looking forward to it, although still feeling a little awkward because he hasn't spoken to anyone here.

Be honest with your wife, BUT be careful with your honesty. If you love her, don't hurt her. But do ask your friend to please cool it, if you value your marriage.

And by the way, no matter what you do or say, women (all women) are territorial to some degree or another.

Good luck,
DL

[SparrowHawk62]

Originally posted by revwardoc Hawk62,
Sounds like you're thinking to take the relationship to the next step. If that's the way I'm reading this, then you've got to think long and hard about that (no pun intended). You've got to think about how it may hurt people. That's the kind of hurt you never really get over. Look at it this way: would you want your significant other to do the same? Unless you're looking to change your lifestyle, leave the relationship where it is, limit physical contact to a handshake (or nothing at all), and try not to be alone with her. Quiet corners make you brave. Remember, God gave man two brains; unfortunately we can only think with one at a time. You only hurt the ones you love.

No, there is no next step. I'm not "heading" that way and neither is she. I just want to know if it's possible to be truely a good close friend to some one?

[SparrowHawk62]

[i] P.S. Sole is the bottom of your shoe. or . . . a fish from the flaunder family. Soul is the real you emotionally and mentally. I had a bunch of old Nike / Adidas sole mate jokes but I'll be polite, no matter how difficult. Oh well the English language is so confusing.

I thought I had the wrong spelling and it was late when I posted that. Oh, by the way it's Flounder! You don't have to be polite on my account, blast away with the jokes!

[nang]

Thanks Keith you took the words out of my mouth. You have to put your self in your spouse's shoes and see if you would be upset if she were in the same kind of relationship( however harmless)with another man. There are times in every relationship, when it's just easier with other people, but is it worth the hurt. It's something to think about any way. Take it easy, and have a good night.