The Patriot Files Forums  

Go Back   The Patriot Files Forums > General > General Posts

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-01-2006, 07:49 PM
HARDCORE HARDCORE is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,872
Distinctions
Contributor 
Default How To Simulate Being A Sailor

This was sent to us by a young sailor we know who is station in Cleveland, Ohio.

Mrs. H
____________________________________
>For those of you who are, or have been in the Navy, you'll understand this perfectly. For those of you who haven't, try this stuff and see what fun it is.
>
>
>>1 Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.
>
>2 Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
>
>3 Repaint your entire house every month.
>
>4 Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
>
>5 Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
>
>6 Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.
>
>7 Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them.
>
>8 Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors, so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
>
>9 Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
>
>10 On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.
>
>11 Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
>
>12 Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
>
>13 Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.
>
>14 Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
>
>15 Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you.
>
>16 Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 PM.
>
>17 Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. (Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all shitcans over the fantail.)
>
>18 Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.
>
>19 Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
>
>20 While your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack, and ordering them to their battle stations. (Now general quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations.)
>
>21 Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.
>
>22 Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.
>
>23 Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
>
>24 Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (midrats)
>
>25 Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.
>
>26 Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
>
>27 Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again 'Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.
>
>28 Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.
>
>29 When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.
>
>30 For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.
>
>31 Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.
>
>32 Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.
>
>33 Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.
>
>34 Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.
>
>35 Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.
__________________
"MOST PEOPLE DO NOT LACK THE STRENGTH, THEY MERELY LACK THE WILL!" (Victor Hugo)
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 10-02-2006, 08:48 AM
Robert Ryan's Avatar
Robert Ryan Robert Ryan is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Posts: 2,764
Distinctions
Contributor 
Default

How true, thanks for the laugh.
__________________

If your going to suceed your going to have to know how to deal with failure. (Joe Torre).
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-02-2006, 09:10 AM
Boats's Avatar
Boats Boats is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Sauk Village, IL
Posts: 21,784
Default

How's HC doing? Any better? Tell him I send my best to you both.
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-02-2006, 10:32 AM
SparrowHawk62's Avatar
SparrowHawk62 SparrowHawk62 is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Lower New York State
Posts: 1,254
Send a message via AIM to SparrowHawk62 Send a message via Yahoo to SparrowHawk62
Default

That's always good for a laugh, to bad so many of them are true to life when one's haze gray and under way!
__________________
"I fly this plane for my country, when it stops flying it's not my fault, it's the countrys." CDR Fred "Bear" Vogt. The Last Skipper of VF-33's, F-4's.

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including my life." That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -- Author Unknown
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-02-2006, 10:50 AM
39mto39g 39mto39g is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,380
Distinctions
Contributor 
Default

HC or HC wife
The only time I ever road on a Navy boat, The Uss Hermatige, was comeing to the US from Dominican Republc. There was no way I was going to sleep in the in the 4 high bunk they gave me, I sleep on the net over the cargo area, Like my own 500 (or so) foot hammock. But the stuff you said is funny and mostly true.
Those gunners were some pretty good shoots, we stoped out in the middle of the ocean and they threw off this 50 gallon barrel with a flag on it. We drove on for awhile and stopped again, you could just bearly see that flag every once in awhile , the crew in the 5 inch gun were yelling at each other and someone was yelling out numbers and they fired, The barrel was no longer visable, kinda like a snipper , one shot one kill. So then they just fired at the ocean, hard to miss that. The thing I remember most about thew boat ride was the food, Navy guys eat well. and the darkness, with a couldy night, you could not see your hand in front of your face, Thats dark.

Ron
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-02-2006, 02:36 PM
SparrowHawk62's Avatar
SparrowHawk62 SparrowHawk62 is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Lower New York State
Posts: 1,254
Send a message via AIM to SparrowHawk62 Send a message via Yahoo to SparrowHawk62
Default

Ron, I spent a night or two sleeping in the LSO safety net while in the IO. Plane Captains would sleep on the wings of their birds when we weren't doing night opps. Many a shipmate slept where ever they could when there was down time. Yeah, most of the spaces had A/C but when your roof (flight deck and I slept the first deck below it.) was baked all day in 100 plus heat not to mention the birds running up the heat even higher the A/C didn't much help.

Ron, you poor sand crab, you don't consider it riding a boat unless you're a bubble head. Those are the crazy bastards that sink boats deliberately then stay in them for months.
I saw a lot of water get bombed and scarfed, weren't to many targets close enough to see when the Gunners got a chance to play with their toys. Jar Heads use to shoot every thing they had at a drum we'd tow behind us, many a time the drum didn't make it back on board! The 50 cal was one heck of beast, come to think of it so was the Jar Head who fired it!
__________________
"I fly this plane for my country, when it stops flying it's not my fault, it's the countrys." CDR Fred "Bear" Vogt. The Last Skipper of VF-33's, F-4's.

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including my life." That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -- Author Unknown
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-02-2006, 07:46 PM
HARDCORE HARDCORE is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,872
Distinctions
Contributor 
Default

Hardcore is improving but he has a long way to go before he is 100% if he ever gets 100%. He gets tired very easy. The doctors doesn't know what caused the fluid on the brain yet. He will need another MRI soon. He was close to dying if I had not taken him to the hospital emergency room three weeks prior to surgery.

I am glad that you guys enjoyed the piece. I just e-mailed your responses to the Navy Kid that sent it to us.

Brenda [Mrs. H]
__________________
"MOST PEOPLE DO NOT LACK THE STRENGTH, THEY MERELY LACK THE WILL!" (Victor Hugo)
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-03-2006, 03:25 AM
39mto39g 39mto39g is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,380
Distinctions
Contributor 
Default

Sarrowhawk62
You Navy guys always got to talk your own talk?

LSO
IO
sand crab
bubble head
bombed and scarfed

I know what a sand crab is cause I lived in Galveston but the rest?



HC
good to hear he's doing better.

Ron
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-03-2006, 07:22 AM
SparrowHawk62's Avatar
SparrowHawk62 SparrowHawk62 is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Lower New York State
Posts: 1,254
Send a message via AIM to SparrowHawk62 Send a message via Yahoo to SparrowHawk62
Default

Quote:
Originally posted by 39mto39g Sarrowhawk62
You Navy guys always got to talk your own talk?

LSO
IO
sand crab
bubble head
bombed and scarfed

I know what a sand crab is cause I lived in Galveston but the rest?

HC
good to hear he's doing better.

Ron
You got me Ron,
LSO= Landing Signal Officer, they stand on a small platform at the end of the ship and are in radio contact with the incoming planes. They advise the pilot on what he corrections he needs in order to land his plane on the flight deck properly. The platform has a large net next to it in which the LSO crew can jump into in case of a landing gone wrong.

IO= Indian Ocean

Sand Crab or side stepping beach combing bastard, any person who isn't a Sailor.

Bubble Head, slang for Submarine Sailor

Bombed and Scarfed, a Naval exercise were planes drop bombs into the ocean, Scarfed the planes guns shoot into the water.
__________________
"I fly this plane for my country, when it stops flying it's not my fault, it's the countrys." CDR Fred "Bear" Vogt. The Last Skipper of VF-33's, F-4's.

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including my life." That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -- Author Unknown
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Our Sailor sfc_darrel Family 7 12-19-2007 07:35 AM
The Hooker and the Sailor Raggedy Ann General Posts 19 02-08-2007 10:41 AM
Sailor in uniform darrels joy General Posts 2 05-03-2004 06:32 PM
Sailor Trivia Test #1 JeffL Coast Guard 27 01-13-2003 12:46 PM
Loving a Sailor Drywall Navy 0 12-13-2002 05:26 AM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:50 AM.


Powered by vBulletin, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.