Is English really a language ?

[Sgt_Tropo]

Ah, English; the language that keeps on giving - headaches that is, for anyone trying to learn it. A few inputs that should amuse, or annoy, depending upon your point of view (or origin).

This little treatise on the English language is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure,

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a Guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.


If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" :cd:

[reeb]

You have been watching to much Gallager!!!!!!

Take for instance : How do you pronouce COMB and then WOMB>?

Yes we have a VERY VERY difficult language to learn.

well Bye Bye, or Buy Buy or By By

enough........................

[Drywall]

I to, too, two, second reebs cooment.

[reeb]

I forgot one more.

Bi

To each there own.

Hope that is all four

enough/...................

[Andy]

Hey, look in the road, a head?
What are we having for supper, mother?
As the hooker said, it was nice to meat you.
Would you get arrested if your dear was a deer?
and the list goes on...

Stay healthy,
Andy

[Keith_Hixson]

Poor spellers often are those who score high on IQ tests. Only in the English language. I am not a really a poor speller but I read this fact. That the genius level folks are generally poor in English Spelling. Of all the major languages only English can make that claim.
Yet in spite of all it faults, English is the most spoken language world-wide. Queen Elizabeth I and her imperialism made English the most recognized language in the Word.
In Massachusettes they don't speak English, they speak Pilgrimnese. All words that end in ar you drop the r. Those lost r's are reattached to all words that end in a. Strange language that Pilgrimnese. "You can't drive a ca.. to Cubar."

Keith

[reeb]

So far I have "read " all the replies to your post.

So now when a new reply comes on do "read" them?

enough.....................

[Keith_Hixson]

Isn't that basket weaving?

Keith

[Sgt_Tropo]

have been read under a red light, while drinking a Bud Lite, but I need to read them again to discover which tale is truly a horse's tail, but their authors swear they're all there.

I don't know about the validity of Keith's comments about the higher IQ, the worse the spelling. However, I do know that a good many folks can't seem the tell the difference between the proper usage of some of the aforementioned synonyms. Keith, does your counselling include problems brought on by the need to read previously read red letter postings ? I think we have several candidates who might be in need of this service.

I think my brain is shot, but not as violently as the gun I just shot. Oh well, I guess it time for another shot of 100 year old single malt scotch, but none of these are the same kind of shot I got for the flu, as I watched a fly fly.

Time to say bye, by, buy, bi, but not before I pen a note about the pin I found on the floor of the dog's pen.

[reeb]

Hey Sarge, You brought this up and I am having fun with it.

Right /write now I am trying to come with a good reply

I have a see Gallergar again with his word probllems.

GOOD POST AND BRINGS ALOT OF US TO OUR KNEES LAUGHING.

enough............................................ .......