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Old 06-17-2003, 04:45 AM
thedrifter thedrifter is offline
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Cool Homecoming sweet, but shift to normalcy not so easy

Homecoming sweet, but shift to normalcy not so easy
LETTERS HOME

By LT. BANKOFF

Editor's note: Lt. Jonathan Bankoff was planning to travel to South Bend today to surprise his father, Dr. David L. Bankoff, on Father's Day.


Camp Lejeune

Jacksonville, N.C.

Home sweet home.

I arrived back in North Carolina on the afternoon of June 4, 89 days after leaving.

We flew home in style: a United Airlines 747 charter with all the trimmings. Being a company grade officer entitled me to a business class seat, which I took full advantage of. The crew served us food every hour, and we had in-seat TVs to choose one of eight movies.

We stopped in Frankfurt, Germany, for a refueling layover and a crew change. Although it was 3 a.m. on the East Coast, I made a quick call to my wife to let her know that I was halfway home and out of harm's way. She was very excited, but needless to say, I got a little friendly lecture about 3 a.m. phone calls later that day.

We landed in Cherry Point, N.C., at 12:35 p.m. EST. As the wheels touched down, the back of the plane erupted in cheering and clapping, as the young Marines celebrated the end of their deployment. The pilot came on the intercom and proudly welcomed us back to the United States "on behalf of a grateful nation." It was a sweet feeling.

We stepped off the plane into an early summer rain shower. It was so beautiful to see trees and green grass again that everyone just stood in the rain, too excited to move.

As the last Marine deplaned, we gathered up our bags and loaded the buses for Camp Lejeune.

Driving back to base, we passed miles of signs welcoming us and other Marines home. Signs of "Welcome Home Daddy" and "Good Job Warriors" flanked both sides of the highway, leading all the way to the front gate.

As we pulled into the battalion parking lot, the rain stopped and families began pouring out of the welcome tent to greet us. Children reunited with their parents, and some babies met their fathers for the first time. It's really something that can only be appreciated in person.

As my wife and I drove home, I thought about how lucky I was. This was my first deployment, but it was also Heather's first deployment. Not every Marine or sailor who deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom came back to a happy environment. Many relationships don't make it through deployment. Many spouses can't handle the stress and responsibility associated with it. Many troops can't readjust to their normal predeployment routine after being in and around combat for several months.

With Heather, there was never any doubt. She was so strong throughout my deployment that it surprised even me. She worked full time, took care of the house and all of the animals, and maintained a strong front to keep my mind at ease. She is a remarkable woman, and I'm very lucky to have her in my life.

Although Heather and I picked up as if I'd only been gone for a few days, not everything has been so easy to resume. Much to my surprise, it's been difficult readjusting to routine things.

My first few days back, I found myself reaching to check the safety of my weapon, which for the past 89 days had been literally attached to my hip 24/7. I felt a little uncomfortable without it.

Returning to work at the battalion aid station has been hard. I am finding that I have less patience for things than I did before, less tolerance for whiners and complainers. I guess part of me is bothered by the lack of toughness in some of the nondeployed Marines, when I was so impressed with the Marines whom I treated and heard about in Kuwait and Iraq. I don't know how long some of these Marines would have lasted in the desert.

Eating all of those things I missed while deployed has been a challenge, too. Despite knowing better, I've found out the hard way that you can't just load up on ice cream and dairy products when you haven't really eaten them in three months. My system is slowly returning to normal, but it hasn't been a pretty five days.

I have also noticed that I lost more weight than first realized. Yesterday, for the first time in three months, I put on civilian clothes, and my pants kept falling down. I left for Kuwait weighing an already lean 165 pounds, but I weighed myself this morning and was shocked to find that I had lost 11 pounds. Now, I have to deal with my wife AND my mother trying to fatten me up. Oh well, there are worse fates to face.

Most importantly, despite my attempted resistance, I'm slowly finding out that this deployment has changed me mentally. I can't place a finger on what exactly has changed, or what caused the change, for that matter. I just don't feel the same.

I have found it hard to talk about the things that I saw or experienced over there, even with my wife and closest family, despite the fact that I was never involved in direct combat. Maybe it is the realization of how fragile life can be, or how easily it could have been me staring down death in An Nasiriyah or Al Kut. I think the question of "Why not me?" will be one I struggle with for some time.

I'm hoping that these feelings are only temporary, and, as I get settled back in here, that everything will return to normal. I imagine only time will tell.

I ate dinner last night with my wife and our friend Jimmy, the Marine lieutenant injured in the fighting at An Nasiriyah. He is doing remarkably well and is expected to make a full recovery, allowing him to stay in the Marine Corps. It was great to see him, and I am looking forward to sitting down with him sometime and hearing all about his unique experiences. I just don't think that either of us is ready yet.

The opportunity to write this column has been an unforgettable experience for me. Being able to express some of my innermost thoughts and feelings with total strangers over the past four months has been a unique catharsis. Many days, sitting down and typing what I was feeling was the only thing that calmed me down and kept me marching forward.

I won't ever forget the heartfelt e-mails and words of encouragement that the hundreds of Tribune readers sent me during my deployment. I can only hope that by writing these articles, I have helped give an insider's perspective on war.

Semper Fidelis,

Lt. Jonathan Bankoff

8th Communication BN Surgeon

U.S. Navy

II Marine Expeditionary Force

http://www.southbendtribune.com/stor..._sweet__bu.sto


Sempers,

Roger
:marine
__________________
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND
SSgt. Roger A.
One Proud Marine
1961-1977
68/69
Once A Marine............Always A Marine.............

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