Boating For Dummies

[skeeter]

Credit goes to Sherlock Homes from the Private Forum for this.

The boys had gathered in their playhouse Saturday morning. They'd nicknamed it the White House even though none of them were bright enough to ever occupy the real one.

"Hey fellers." said George the not very bright brother of Jeb. "Let's go canoeing!"

George had been appointed the leader (note: appointed). Not because of his qualifications, but because his dad was wealthy and always bought treats for anyone who would play with his mean and stupid son.

There weren't many. Brother Jeb was doing time for smuggling.

There was Dick, a punny and always ill boy with a sneaky demeanor.

Rummy the class clown but with a mean streak a yard wide. And an ego to match.

Paul the runty looking nerd who couldn't meet anyone's eye.

Then there was Colon. He didn't belong in this group but had compromised his principals for the cash and perks that went with playing with George.

Dick was enthusiastic.

"I love canoeing, "he yelled. Then fell into a fit of coughing and clutched his chest.

"Well, it's a great idea," said Paul.

"I'm on board. How about you, Colon?" asked Rummy.

"Where are we canoeing to," asked Colon. "I don't want to get stuck on the river."

"Never mind that," said George, grabbing a paddle.


We're off," said Dick between coughs.

The boys paddled furiously.

"Man we're flying," said George, laughing so hard he turned as red as a beet.

"Yahoo," shouted Paul and Rummy. "Faster, Paddle faster."

Colon was morose and didn't laugh.

"You need to set a destination before you start paddling as hard as you can."

"Oh come on Colon. Have some fun. Join the party."

Reluctantly Colon picked up a paddle and unenthusiasticly started paddling.


What's that roaring?" asked Colon.

The sound increased in volume.

"Maybe they's a rock concert," said George. " I love rock concerts. Let's paddle faster."

"That's not rock and roll," said Colon. "It sounds like a waterfall. What's this river wer're on George?"

"It's the Viagra," said George. But looks less than sure.

"Give me that map," said Colon. He looked at the map with growing alarm.

"This isn't the Viagra. It's the Niagra. And that sounds is Niagra Falls."

"Well," said Rummy, "we'll have to paddle that much harder."

"Are you crazy?" asked Colon.

"The jury is still out, but I think I'm as sane as the next guy," said Rummy, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. "If we paddle real hard there's a chance that when we hit the falls we'll just keep going in the air till we get to the other side."

"There is no other side you fool," said Colon in disgust.

"Rummy is a fine boy and I trust him. If he says we can get to the other side by rowing harder, I'm rowing harder, " said Dick.

"Yeah," said George, although he had no idea what Rummy had proposed.

"I hope you're right," said Colon, as he picked up a paddle and started paddling furiously.

"How did I get into this shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt......... .