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The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race an it won !! The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won that race too. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races. The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS”. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!! The Bishop fainted …. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey. So she sold it to a local farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10”. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey, and take it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is .... Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! Have a nice day and laugh! Boats (I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes!)
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Boats O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. "IN GOD WE TRUST" |
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Boats,
That's truly a Good One. Sent it to my Fr. Dave. Neil
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My Salute & "GarryOwen" to all TRUE Patriots. |
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HC sent me this one I just thought I'd post them - Tell me this won't happend to Us!!
PLEASE TELL ME
THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN TO US! An elderly Floridian called 911 on his cell phone to report that his car has been broken into. He is hysterical as he explains his situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' he cried.. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm... An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' he says. 'He got in the back-seat by mistake.'!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! ______________________________ ______________________________ ____________ Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!! ______________________________ ______________________________ ____________ 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!' Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!! ______________________________ ______________________________ ___________ Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly gentlemen had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.. His friend stared at him for at least three minutes -- he just stared and stared at him. Finally he said, 'How soon do you need to know?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!! ______________________________ ______________________________ ___________ SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! ______________________________ ____________________ _______________ DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stop-light was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO YOU OR ME!
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Boats O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. "IN GOD WE TRUST" |
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