Deer Hunting the hard way

[Jimmyjet]

THE DEER HUNT DIARY

1:00 am
Alarm clock rings

2:00 am
Hunting partner arrives and drags me out of bed

2:30 am
Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup

3:00 am
Leave for deep woods

3:15 am
Drive back home and pick up gun!

3:30 am
Drive like mad to get to woods before daylight!

4:00 am
Set up camp. Forgot damn tent!

4:30 am
Head into woods

6:05 am
See EIGHT deer!

6:06 am
Take aim and squeeze trigger - Click!!!

6:07 am
Load gun while watching deer go over hill

8:00 am
Head back to camp

9:00 am
Still looking for camp

Noon
Fire gun for Help! Eat wild berries.

12:15 pm
Run out of bullets - Eight deer come back!

12:20 pm
Strange feeling in stomach

12:45 pm
Rescued!

12:55 pm
Rushed to hospital! Have stomach pumped.

3:00 pm
Arrive back at camp

3:30 pm
Leave camp to kill deer

4:00 pm
Return to camp for bullets

4:01 pm
Load gun and leave camp - again!

5:00 pm
Empty gun on Squirrel that's bugging me

6:00 pm
Arrive at camp. Deer grazing at camp.

6:01 pm
Load gun

6:02 pm
Fire gun

6:03 pm
One dead pickup!

6:05 pm
Hunting partner returns -- dragging dear!

6:06 pm
Suppress strong desire to shoot hunting partner!

6:07 pm
Fall into fire!

6:10 pm
Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire

6:15 pm
Take pickup, leave partner AND his deer! In woods.

6:20 pm
Pickup boils over. Hole shot in block!

6:25 pm
Start walking.

6:30 pm
Stumble and fall. Drop gun in mud.

6:35 pm
Meet BEAR!!

6:36 pm
Take aim
Fire gun. Blow up barrel! Plugged with mud!

6:37 pm
Mess in pants!!

9:00 pm
Bear departs. Wrap gun around tree!!!

Midnight
Home at last!

Sunday
Watch football game on TV. Slowly tearing hunting
license into very small pieces. Place pieces in envelope
and mail to Game Warden - with very exact instructions where
to stick it.

11/23/98 mhw