The Patriot Files Forums  

Go Back   The Patriot Files Forums > General > Warriors Saloon

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #771  
Old 01-30-2009, 12:15 PM
namvet's Avatar
namvet namvet is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 214
Default

__________________
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #772  
Old 02-03-2009, 06:06 PM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default

Did you hear the one about the old Marine veteran who asked the
Commandant to return him to active duty and send him to Iraq?

Of course the Commandant refused, and told the old Marine he had served
his time in combat and should relax and enjoy his golden years.

The 'ole Gunny wasn't at all pleased, so he wrote the Secretary of the
Navy with the same request. Back came the reply for him to enjoy his
golden years, because Iraq was a young Marine's war and there was no
place for him.

That really ticked him off, so he wrote his congressman a long,
heart-wrenching letter explaining in great detail just why he felt he
should be returned to active duty.

Back came the reply almost word for word, the same as the SecNav
response.......

The 'ole Gunny was livid. He went down to the beach in Norfolk, VA and
bought a rowboat, and vowing to get to Iraq one way or the other, he set
out rowing his boat and singing the Marine Hymn...." From the Halls of
Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli " ........... and off he rowed for
Iraq.

Saint Peter had been watching this grizzled 'ole Gunny all the while,
and was at first amused by it all but had grown increasingly concerned
as the Gunny displayed his commitment to his objective. Saint Peter
finally turned to God for advice on how to deal with this Gung Ho Gunny.

After hearing the saga unfold, God advised Saint Peter to be merciful
and take the Gunny's brain, since that was the center of thought, and he
would simply abandon the idea about getting to Iraq.

Now, having taken God's advice and removing the Gunny's brain, St.
Peter
observed little if any change in the Gunny's behavior. He continued to
row his boat and sing at the top of his voice: "From the Halls of
Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli , we will ".......

A little frustrated at the lack of results of his efforts, St. Peter
turned again to his God and asked, "Now what?"

God said, "Well OK, take his heart, because not even a Marine can
function without a heart. So, that should end it."

But when St. Peter had completed his task, and removed the Gunny's
heart, he was again amazed that little if any change could be observed
in the Gunny's behavior as he continued to row his boat and sing:
"From
the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, we will fight our
country's battles...."
at-the-top-of-his-voice.

Once again, St. Peter asked God for assistance with this unusual
situation for which there seemed to be no solution.

This time God responded by suggesting that St. Peter should remove the
Marine's testicles, since it's a well known fact that Marines can't
function without their testicles. Otherwise, what would be the reason
for Marines having the worldwide reputation of having the balls to do
the impossible?

Convinced this was the answer, St. Peter went to work and removed the
'ole Gunny's balls.

Again, St. Peter observed the Marine, this time with his balls, brains
and heart removed, rowing in a never ending circle singing:

"Off we go into the wild blue yonder...."
__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #773  
Old 02-04-2009, 03:33 AM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default

Subject: Security
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a
private
investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. And that was
the
beginning
of the Secret Service.

Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large
number of
multi-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security
Service."
Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women
in their
black
outfits with their initials in large white letters across their
backs:

"FATASS."

I feel safer already.
__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #774  
Old 02-04-2009, 06:28 AM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default Dear abby

Dear Abby,

I have never written asking for your help before, but I really
need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my


wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although
when I ask their names she always says, 'just some friends from


work, you don't know them.' I try to stay awake and look out for

her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I

have never broached the subject with my wife.

I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last

night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I

could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home

from a night out with 'the girls'.

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse,

which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and

slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I

noticed a hairline crack where the head meets the graphite shaft

on my 3-wood.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the
pro-shop where I bought it?

__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #775  
Old 02-10-2009, 12:54 PM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default 5

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:


NUMBER 5: They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.

NUMBER 4: 'This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to.

NUMBER 3: 'Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!

NUMBER 2.Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?

Number 1 And MY all time Favorite:best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

(Raising your head slowly) '...in Jesus' name, Amen
__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #776  
Old 02-12-2009, 03:02 AM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default Cowboy and the widow

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching.
So she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job..one was gay the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it,and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay guy.
She figured it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew
a lot about ranching.
For weeks the,the two of them worked and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day,the ranchers widow said to the hired hand...
"You have done a really good good job and the ranch looks great.You
should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand redily agreed and went to town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came however and he didn't return...
Two o'clock...and no hired hand
Finally....he returned around two-thirty and upon entering the room
he found the ranchers widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine.
Waiting for him...
She quietly called him over to her...

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off"...she said..
Trembling,he did as she directed...
"Now...take off my boots"..he did as she asked
everso slowly
"Now...take off my socks"..he removed each gently
and placed them neatly by her boots
"Now..take off my skirt"..he slowly unbuttoned it..
constantly watching her eyes in the firelight...
"Now..take off my bra"..again with trembling hands
he did as he was told...and dropped it to the floor...

Then she looked at him and said........

"IF YOU EVER WEAR MY CLOTHES INTO TOWN AGAIN....YOU'RE FIRED"

__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #777  
Old 06-25-2009, 09:19 AM
darrels joy's Avatar
darrels joy darrels joy is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Indian Springs
Posts: 5,964
Distinctions
Contributor 
Default

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5.. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
__________________

sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #778  
Old 07-02-2009, 12:29 PM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default Aarp memo

AARP Special Memo on our 'SENIOR DRESS CODE'

Many of us over 50, WAY over 50, or on the way to 50 are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashion.

In spite of what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots.

12. Short shorts and varicose veins.

13. Inline skates and a walker..

And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion for the older folks..

14. Thongs and Depends.
__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #779  
Old 08-03-2009, 09:38 AM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default 2 marines.....

Two US MARINES were listening to the radio in IRAQ...

"American soldiers",coos a soft female voice,"Your so-called national leaders
have lied to you.You are risking your lives to wage a usless,unjust,illegal,and
unwinnable war.Now is the time to return home to your loved ones,while you
are still alive.If you foolishly insist on remaining where you are not wanted,the
brave resistance fighters will have no choice but to kill you and add your name
to the long,ever increasing casualty list of this insane war.
So why risk never seeing your loved ones again for a so called president who
has repeatedly lied and decieved you at every opportunity.
Why should you be sacrificed so that US corporations can enjoy fat profits.
The only wise thing to do is return home now,while your still drawing breath,
before you return zippered in a body bag."

"What the hell is that" snerred one MARINE.."an Islamo-terrorist version of TOKYO ROSE?"

"No"..answers the other...."It's just CNN"
__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
  #780  
Old 04-03-2010, 11:22 AM
STYCK's Avatar
STYCK STYCK is offline
Senior Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Carrollton,Texas
Posts: 153
Send a message via Yahoo to STYCK
Default The densest element known




Pelosium:

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol of Pelosium is PU.

Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
__________________
I'M FINE...........IT'S REST OF YOU THAT NEED COUNSELING
sendpm.gif Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:00 AM.


Powered by vBulletin, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.