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Old 05-07-2018, 06:33 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9,175
Talking The Real Truth's About Beer

Note: The Real Truth's About Beer -

1. When I think of all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I did not drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, it is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver.
By: Babe Ruth

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2. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading".
By: Paul Horning

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3. "24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
I think not".
By: H. L. Mencken

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4. "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven".
By: George Bernard Shaw

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5. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy".
By: Benjamin Franklin

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6. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, But the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza".
By: Dave Barry

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7. “Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.”
By: W. C. Fields

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8. Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
By: Professor Irwin Corey

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9. “To some it is a six-pack. To me, it is a Support Group.
Salvation in a can”.
By: Leo Durocher

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10. One night at Cheers,
A TV Sitcom,Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers".
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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  #2  
Old 05-07-2018, 06:59 AM
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Boats Boats is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 9,175
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Subject: Morris has 24 Hours to Live

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that
the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.'

She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the
third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death,
tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could…”'

At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris,
enough is enough.

I have to get up in the morning, you don't.'
__________________
Boats

O Almighty Lord God, who neither slumberest nor sleepest; Protect and assist, we beseech thee, all those who at home or abroad, by land, by sea, or in the air, are serving this country, that they, being armed with thy defence, may be preserved evermore in all perils; and being filled with wisdom and girded with strength, may do their duty to thy honour and glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"IN GOD WE TRUST"
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