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Old 08-01-2002, 05:02 AM
thedrifter thedrifter is offline
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Cool Darwin Awards.....Stupid is as Stupid Does......

This was sent to me by GyBill.......

And the nominees are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white
saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police
found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch
naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring (pocket animal), which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma".

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.



2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

The latest nominee for this year's Darwin Award goes to....

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles
are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro-shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

Sempers,

Roger
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  #2  
Old 08-01-2002, 06:37 AM
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SEATJERKER SEATJERKER is offline
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Default Reminds me...

...of way back when...

...SORRY MOM...

..You might have to include my mother in the running for such an award, and 'patches" would be the first to vote for her, rest his soul...

...back in the days before "advantage", or flea collers, my mother decieded that she was gonna "vaccum the fleas" off the dog(cocker spaniel), and she had one of those "electrolux's" that pulled around on the floor with skids similar to "choppers", and things were going fine until...............,.............we heard an ungodly yelp, and a little white, and brown dog goes running by........., yep, that whoulp we heard was one of two that he originaly came equipted with being injested temporarly into one small tube with a great force drawing against the improper object inserted......

...dog ran, and hid when ever the vaccum was turned on after that.....................gee wonder why................
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Old 08-01-2002, 07:38 AM
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Keith_Hixson Keith_Hixson is offline
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Angry The Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.

My brother was the lead man in a food processing warehouse. He assigned a young man with shoulder length hair to work on the glue machine. It glues the bottoms and tops of card boad boxes sealing in the contents in the box. The young man was working alone in the back of a warehouse. Evidently one of the boxes got stuck (it happens on occassion) and the guy tried to get it unstuck. He didn't shut off the machine (as taught). His long hair got caught in the gears of the machine and pulled his scalp off. The youngman bled to death. When he didn't show up for lunch my brother went back to get him and found him dead. The plant was shut down the rest of the day. The next day all the fellows who had long hair before had gone and got short hair cuts.

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Old 08-05-2002, 08:23 AM
Sgt_Tropo Sgt_Tropo is offline
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Talking The gene pool is a little shallow

I work at a computer manufacturing facility and am also a licensed volunteer Emergency Medical Technician (EMT). One day I was dispatched to one of our manufacturing buildings and found a young man that had suffered tramatic amputation of three fingers from his right hand. He was bleeding profusly, dispite attempts by his fellow workers to stem the flow of blood. As I worked to apply the appropriate pressure bandages, I asked if anyone witnessed the accident. A young man introduced himself as the injured man's supervisor and stated that he had indeed witnessed the accident.
He related how the first man had gotten his hand stuck in the conveyor belt, while attempting to retrieve a part that had fallen between the belt and the runniong mechanism.
I completed applying the bandage and as the injured man was being loaded onto a gurny for transport to the ambulance and subsequently the hospital, I asked the supervisor to show me where the accident happened. We walked a few feet to the appropriate spot and the supervisor, without prompting, proceeded to show me exactly how the accident happened, even up the point of duplicating the incident of inserting his hand between the conveyor belt and running gears. The supervisor only lost two fingers !
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Old 08-05-2002, 09:54 AM
Seascamp Seascamp is offline
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Default

For reasons I have never quite understood warning signs are the best way in the world to get some people to do just the opposite. The first time I saw this was in VN. We had a factory tech rep out to install hardware upgrades on the height finding radar. All over the transmit cabinet there were radiation warning signs that amounted to ?don?t even think about opening this door?. Those were lead-lined cabinets and doors so it was the real deal. So this guy preceded to jumper the interlocks and opens the door. Astounding and his goose was literally cooked, talk about a mega microwave oven. I guess he lingered for a few days, maybe, but the last I saw of him was when he was helicopter transported to DaNang. In my line of work I do not trust signs or common sense to prevail. I do lockout tag-out and I alone hold the key while I?m around machinery. Most US industry follows this practice just because warning signs seem to attract the curious or those who wish to temp the devil. While working in Indonesia an LNG compressor operator watched in fascination as about 1000 barrels of precipitate came down the natural gas pipeline. This is bad news and it literally rained kerosene and the flair stack roared and lit up the night for miles around. This guy?s story was that he was seeing if all the warning instrumentation worked. Sure it worked and there were ponds of precipitate that burned for days, the cafeteria and most of the guesthouses were destroyed because he didn?t trip off the compression machinery. This place is way deep in the triple canopy rain forest so it wasn?t like we could go to Holiday Inn or something like that. About the only good news was that the flair stack scared the critters away and I was just fine to not have to keep an eye out for them for a few days.

Scamp
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Old 08-05-2002, 12:46 PM
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phuloi phuloi is offline
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Default Good Grief!

At least the guy on the golf course did ONE thing right...Took his stupid self out of the gene pool.Survival of the fittest!
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