New Chemical Element Discovered

[82Rigger]

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

[Boats]

Rigger - I think that is great stuff - I really like it.

Thanks

[Bill Farnie]

[revwardoc]

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, andwe're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.


To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.


We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.


We get Intel, Microsoft and Apple. You get WorldCom.


We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.


We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.


You get Alabama.


We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red statespay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than theChristian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get abunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of theirchildren's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, andhope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend ourresources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percentof the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineappleand lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent ofAmerica's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias andcondors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all SouthernBaptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacredunless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent saythat evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involvedin 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California

[Jerry D]

hehehehe Sounds good to me I get to live in the Red States with all the Bennies Darn Good Shrimp, some of the best Beef in the world, Wally World will be supplying us with all the vegetables we can eat imported from China an Mexico. We will have some of the Best Ski resorts like Aspen and Jackson Hole. Then their is the Oil reserves of Alaska and Texas and all the Oil Refineries Plus from my experience 2/3rds of the Armed Forces are from the South Originally so no Problem their. And we get to Reactivate Richmond as the Capitol of the Red States and put Jeffersonian principles back to work as our Constitution. And to top it all off if Ole Man Lincoln had left us Alone in 1861 their wouldn't be this problem today and 600,000 men wouldn't have died in battle between 1861-65! Oh! by the way the Cigarette Settlement money being paid to all the Blue states would stop and they would have to raise taxes to make up for the loss of that revenue for the General Fund. I'm not sure but I think the Red States will have all the Major Distilleries like Jack Daniels,Southern Comfort and Jim Beam! I will still enjoy the vintage of Missouri Wines from Herman and St.James Missouri. And BTW Kentucky holds all the Gold Reserves at Ft Knox thank you very much Then their is the Space Program at Cape Canaveral and Johnson Space Center in Texas plus Texas Instruments will become the New Silicon Valley. We also get To enjoy the Music form Nashville, New Orleans and St Louis. Jacksonville Florida will again become the Hollywood of the South Except for Watkins Glen the Nascar schedule won't loose many good tracks and will remain a Popular Sport we will even get to watch races at North Wilksboro again to replace races at Pocono and California Speedway! So thank you Blue States and by the way why did it take you so long Sincerely,
Beauregard Langehorn Clemons
Missouri Red Stater

[Arrow]

....Not so fast.... You don?t get to take all the Blue States with you--just the Blue parts.

.....You see, your Blue States aren?t actually "blue." Mostly, they?re states full of Red counties with pockets of Blue urban blight in them.....

.....So, the bottom line is that you don't get the Blue States. Those states have lots of towns and counties that would rather blow their dams and flood themselves out of existence rather than go with you. No, instead, you get the Blue Cities........

.....All in all, you get to take with you a public sector in most cities so unmanageable they make Mogadishu seem like a tidily run little municipality by comparison......

.....We, on the other hand, get those Red city suburbs and rural districts. You know, the ones with the good schools, the high property values, the quiet streets and the sheriffs and cops who don?t need to walk around armored up like they?re about to storm the Sunni Triangle......

.....And don't even think about keeping the National Parks, the wide open spaces, all those water resources, and all the rest of America's natural splendor, since those are all pretty much located in Red counties. Hell, we even get most of Oregon and Washington ...ain?t it ironic? . Ok by us; we?d be fools not to take you up on it......

......You get places like downtown Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, and we get to keep the rest of beautiful Pennsylvania, thank you. You get to administer bloated public services to the violent, drug-addled, gunslinging populations of delightful inner-city sinkholes of poverty and corruption such as Miami, St. Louis, and the ever-popular District of Columbia.....

.....In fact, all around our great nation, you get to keep all the Blue voters who?ve made urban war zones like downtown Detroit--a Blue bastion, of course--the proud showplaces they are today. We get the rest of Blue states like Michigan and Wisconsin and Illinois and...well, frankly, just about every state in the Union with the exception of Hawaii and New England--and even there, we?ll just hang on to a couple of chunks of New Hampshire and Connecticut. We'll miss the Hawaiian beaches, but since long stretchs of coastline from New Jersey down to Florida and yes, even in southern California (including San Diego, thanks) are actually in Red counties, we'll be fine.....

......Sure, we get the rednecks and holy rollers. But since you're apparently willing to trade them for the gangs and psychopaths terrorizing your Blue cities, what can we say? You want the Crips and the Bloods in low riders raking your streets with automatic gunfire, and you're offering us Bubba heading off to church in his pickup? Hey, a deal's a deal. Done....

.....True, you also get Manhattan, and the rest of the city, including the Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn too, as well as Long Island..... For our part, we?ll take most of the rest of gorgeous New York State...

.....So that?s the deal. You get the cities, with all the crime, crack mommies, and corruption you can stand. And sure, you get many of the elite colleges too, with the professors who think that terrorists in Fallujah are freedom fighters and that the people who worked in the Twin Towers on 9/11 were no better than Nazis.....

....We get the suburbs, the countryside, and all the other beautiful places.....

....And we'd like a favor, too: please keep your sky-high tax and crime rates, since we're happy to have the corporations and jobs that continue to flee your Blue cities into our Red counties......

(Thank God andGreyhound your gone...

Arrow>>>>>>)

[82Rigger]

What Arrow said, plus, you guys hafta take Ted Kennedy and the New York Yankees.

[Jerry D]

Wow! Arrows deal sounds even more better ,love that "three-D" Map too

[QM3steve]

Well Arrow, gotta side with you. Even from Upstate NY, the "Manhatten transfer" would suit me fine. Add our list, the wide open gasslands and the evergreen forests teeming with wildlife.

[Arrow]

Steve,

Good to have you come on board and bring upstate NY with you...

Jerry,

'Sides all that we get to keep Charlie Daniels while they keep Jane Fonda!What a deal!

I may be an Okie but I've still been to town!!!

Arrow>>>>>>