Beam me up, Scotty!

[82Rigger]

There's no intelligent life down here.

I'm sitting here thinking about making a 9 m/m modification to my telephone.

While I'm thinking of that, I'm having a beer.

I might have another.

Maybe even two more.

All I wanted to do was call my bank and ask a question about some services they offer.

(beep beep beep - beep beep beep beep)


"HELLO! THANK YOU FOR CALLING _______ BANK! TO CONTINUE

THIS CONVERSATION IN ENGLISH, PRESS ONE!"

(What? No option for Russian or Navaho?)

(beep)

"FOR CUSTOMER SERVICE, PRESS ONE. FOR CHECKING ACCOUNT INFORMATION, PRESS TWO. FOR SAVINGS ACCOUNT INFORMATION, PRESS THREE. TO HEAR THIS MENU AGAIN, PRESS FOUR."

(beep)

"YOU PRESSED ONE. TO CONFIRM THAT YOU PRESSED ONE, PRESS TWO. IF YOU DID NOT WANT TO PRESS ONE, PRESS ONE."

(CLICK!)

AAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!

I think I will give away everything and go live in the woods.

KEITH? KEITH!

[Desdichado]

Curious, ain't it, that some genius figures that in this age of globalization and unparalleled communication technology, that the most efficient way to communicate is not to talk to anyone at all...

Pretty soon it'll be...

Hello, you have reached your husband. If you want me to pick up milk please press one. If you want me to pick up toilet paper please press two. To talk to a real husband, please hold....

[MORTARDUDE]

Just remember...... you can almost always bypass all the menus by hitting "0"...It is also interesting to ask a "live person", why you have to put your information in by punching numbers ( i.e. account # etc. ) and you still have to tell them the same info verbally ?!?!

Larry