Afternoon Humor

[SuperScout]

The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around ffice:smarttags" />lace w:st="on">Natchitocheslace> (pronounced Nack-a-dish) and sent their famous detective, Boudreaux, to investigate.

Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. "Dey is tree main groups in dis rooster fightin'" he began. "Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.

Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia." Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"

"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dem rooster fights in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in one of the fights." The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck."

"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?"

"De duck won." fficeffice" />>>

[SuperScout]

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you today, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was quite pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful."

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you today. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our congress.

Vote carefully this year

[darrels joy]

Some of these are hysterical!




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[82Rigger]

These are a hoot!

[DeadlyDaring]

A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington, IA , to
Branson , MO. As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to
The driver and says, "I've just been molested!"
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.
So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that
she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old
Wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd
been molested too. The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and
pulls into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his
hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.

"I lost my toupee...... ......... I thought I found it three times,
but every time I try to grab it..., it runs away..!

[reeb]

When a woman puts on a pair of panty hose, how many animals goes into them???

10 little piggies
1 beaver
1 ass
and a fish noone can ever find...........

enough...........

reeb...........

[Stick]

comes upon a guy who's wobbeling down the country road at 2:00 a.m. and pulls over to see if he can help the man.
"What's the problem sir? This is no place to be walking on a roadway in the middle of the night."
The guy slurs back at the cop "I doan no man, I lust me car sumpace an can fine it nowheres."
Sheriff Fife ask the man where he left his car, seeing that the man was obviously tilted by something well over 100 proof and the guy answers while holding up a key ring, "thuh lass time I seen it it wuz on tha oter en off this key".
The officer notices that the mans trousers are unzipped and his dingaling is hanging out and ask the man if he knows that he's exposing himself and the guy looks down and screams "MY GAWD IN HEAVEN, THEYZ TOOK ME BETCH TOO! ! !"

[82Rigger]

Roflmao!

:

[DeadlyDaring]

Drafting Guys over 60
----this is so funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier----

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I am too old to track down terrorists. You cannot be older than 42 to join the military. They have the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You should not be able to join a military unit until you are at least 35.


For starters,
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys have not lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I cannot sleep, I am tired and hungry' we are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we could not spill the beans because we would forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We are used to being screamed and yelled at and we are used to soft food. We have also developed an appreciation for guns. We have been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I have been in combat and did not see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side... nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I have never seen anyone out run a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He is still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still has not figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down though those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol ...we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends.
It is purposely in big type so they can read it.