Just a few hump day funnies!!!!!

[MarineAO]

This is a little long but a lot of them are really funny!!!!

Enjoy!



Subject: Political Correctness Regarding Gender?

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.

2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

3. She is not BLONDE - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He is GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY
CHALLENGED.

10. He is not a WANKER - He is an OWNER OPERATOR.

[MarineAO]

Well I think its funny!!!!



Subject: Fw: Bartenders' Survey

Bartenders Psychology:
Before you order a drink in public, you should
read this!

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if
they could nail a woman's
personality based on what she drinks. Though
interviewed separately, they
concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to
earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in
the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be
her cabana boy.


Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high
maintenance, has very picky taste;
knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her.
If she's interested, she'll
send YOU a drink.................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy;
sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and
spend quiet evenings with
friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and
sophisticated, actually, she has
NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she
is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals
and looking to get
totally drunk. and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You
have been blessed. Nothing to
do but wait, however, be careful not to make
her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS
what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple
and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to
get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him
a sophisticated image to help
him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a darn about anything
but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with
the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay

[Dragon Lady]

They are both Great!

Thanks for the office fodder!