one liners

[MORTARDUDE]

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.


Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.


Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.


I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.


Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I
thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?


My reality check bounced.


On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.


I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.


Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.


Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then
beat you with experience.


A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.


Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.


The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.


Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.


If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Don't ever try to teach a pig to sing, you won't succeed and it annoys the pig.