Question for some of you

[melody1181]

Some of you may know that I am living with my grandparents along with my mom. My grandpa has Alzheimer?s.

My question is for those who have experience with taking care of people who have Alzheimer?s or have been around them. My father?s parents both had it but I was still rather young.

We are having allot of "issues" lately. He partially realizes what is happening and it?s making him extremely angry. I understand this as much as I think I can. How did some of you deal with this part?

Also did any of you have to end up putting your loved one in a rest home? I want to avoid that as much as possible. I figure at some point it will be too much to bare.

Any input is highly appreciated.

[Tina]

My sisters Grandfather by marrage had it and yes they had to put him in rest home.. They found it in him rather early and put him on meds asp.. But yes they meds stopped working and so on and he ended up in a home.. Its said its hard to deal with.. All you can really do that I know of is be there for him.. He will need you alot sooner then you or him thinks you will.. I hope this helped you out some.. Not sure if I really answered any of your questions or not.. I do know you have along road ahead of you and if you need to talk to me pm me and I will give you my email and my home phone and you can call me..
love you
Your friend and God Bless,
Tina

[revwardoc]

One of my aunts died of Alzheimer's complications while in a nursing home and my mother-in-law has it, she's in a nursing home, too. She was living at home by herself until we noticed she had lost quite a bit of weight. She kept forgetting to eat! She would also forget to bathe, change her clothes, wipe herself, etc. Then she had the heart attack and we decided that enough was enough and put her into a facility.

One thing we had the foresight to do was to have her house put into my wife's and her brother's name about 7 years ago. We sold it once she went into the home and Medicare and supplemental insurances take care of the nursing home costs. I know it sounds kind of callous and uncaring but she's getting very good care, better care than we could afford to give her. With high cost of living today, we were forced to make a tough decision that turned out to be the right one.

It's a sad and terrible thing to watch a loved one deteriorate mentally; much tougher, I think, than watching them go physically downhill, because, like you said, Melody, they don't really understand what's happening and will sometimes take out their anger and frustrations on someone close.

Talk to a lawyer and spiritual councelor about what's best for him and do research on facilities. There's also the question of healthcare proxies and the VERY tough decision on what's called a DNR (Do Not Resusitate).

Sure, you don't want to lose him but you have to think of "quality of life". I remember when my uncle and cousins had to make those decisions regarding my aunt. While they made the right ones, they still felt some guilt.

Someone, whether it's you or another relative, will have to decide what's best for your grandpa, but be assured that you'll make the right choices for his best interests.

[Yossarian]

A lot of the anger comes from confusion and a feeling of helplessness. Find something that he recognizes and start from there, calming him.

[Tamaroa]

My dad had alzheimers for about 8 years. We did the best we could. My mom and sister lived at home. I am married and with kids but I was about 30 miles away. I would relieve my mom and sister on the weekends so they could rest a spell. Toward the end it got really bad but the Veteran's Administration was good about it. They found a space for him at Montrose V.A. hospital in New York. The people were generally very good to him and we visited him every week.

But yes my Dad did have fits of anger when he realized what was happening. Its not a pleasant journey. But try to deal with it as long as possible before he's put away. My dad lost the sparkle in his eye when he went to the hospital. He knew it was close to the end even though he had trouble communicating with us.

The most important thing is for you all as a family to try to understand that each in your own way is helping. My sister was very bitter toward me for a while because I have a family, she is single. I still had kids to raise a house to go home to so I gave of myself as much as I could up to an including using my vacation time to spend with Dad so mom and my sister could go have a relaxing time elsewhere. It took a while, but she finally understood that I have another family who needs me as well. It is a very tough thing that you have to decide but im the end, putting him in the VA home was the best for everybody. He was cared for around the clock, we visited him every weekend and the family got way less tense.

Bill

[Robert Ryan]

Melodie my prayers and thoughts are with you.

[melody1181]

Thanks everyone.

In march my Grandpa will be 85. We have had him longer than most people have their grandparents. I am grateful for that time. All I know is the last thing I want is for him to suffer. He doesn't deserve it.

We think he broke his foot the other day but is throwing fits about going to the doc. We will have to sneak him there.

I do not mind at all doing this for him but its just very sad to watch.

Thanks again