Todays Humor

[Gimpy]

Did You Know...




If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)






If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.



(Now that's more like it!)






The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.



(O.M.G.!)






A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.



(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)






A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)



(I'm still not over the pig.)






Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.



(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)






The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.



("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")






The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.



(30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)






The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.



(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)






Some lions mate over 50 times a day.



(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)






Butterflies taste with their feet.



(Something I always wanted to know.)






The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.



(Hmmmmmm........)






Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.



(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)






Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.



(OK, so that would be a good thing....................)






A cat's urine glows under a black light.



(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)






An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.



(I know some people like that.)






Starfish have no brains.



(I know some people like that too.)








Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.



(What about that pig??)

[revwardoc]

Speaking of pigs...

I used to do volunteer work for the MA/SPCA, specifically doing grunt work at a farm open to the public to show them about the animals related to farm work and use as commodities. We had a sow that come into season, as they say, housed in a pen in a small barn. About 15' away was a boar in his pen. He got a whiff of "her" and literally lept over the four foot steel fence, ran across the 15' space, lept over her enclosure and immediately got to work. For the next several hours they mated with a surprising ferocity. I never felt so inadequate. Once finished, the boar started pushing at the gate with his snout so I let him out and he staggered over to his pen and collapsed. He slept for the next 72 hours, with the damndest smile on his face. I swear to God, if I gave him a cigarette, he'd've smoked it. A few months later the sow gave birth to 14 piglets.

[blues clues]

like steve said to be a pig.

razz

[Gimpy]

my sweet thang Jackie already says I'm starting to "resemble that remark"!

She reminded me that some of our friends at our local AMVETS club where we go for dinner and dancing (I usually just stand there and Jackie does all the dancing)....about once a month or so are now calling me "The Rotund One"! :cd:

But, that's OK............they can call me just about anything, just DON'T call me LATE FOR DINNER!